Opsimath
by ErinyesWyrd
Summary: There were words lost between them, time wasted with bickering. How Allen wished he could fix it all. After a mission goes wrong, Allen spends time with a recovering Kanda.  What he learns changes the way he views the samurai forever. YAOI Male/Male
1. Olvido

Disclaimer: I do not own D-Gray Man, or any of the characters therein, and I make no profit from this story, etc etc.

This is my first D-Gray Man fanfic, so I do hope not to disappoint. Reviews are greatly desired, and make me very happy. Please make me happy! /shameless

**Opsimath**-Late Learner

The Greek word for "late" (adv.) is _opse _which, when used in combination, becomes _opsi_. "Math," is derived from the Greek verb _manthano_ (to learn).

-Dr. Bill Long

It was hot in the train compartment, stifling, even the open windows failed to aid in cooling the passengers fanning themselves in vain. The sun was climbing higher as noon approached, which meant the day was only going to become more unpleasant. Smoke curled around the room, filtering in from other compartments along with the sound of conversations, laughter, and the scent of the dining car only a short walk away. Outside, the landscape was dry and arid, trees and shrubs dotted the passing scenery, deep flashes of green against the almost grassless soil.

Kanda grimaced as he felt a few beads of sweat make their way down his back. He felt disgusting, and the exorcist jacket he wore was beginning to stick in ways that only served to heighten his discomfort. If this mission proved to be a red herring and there was no innocence to be found…it wasn't worth contemplating at this point, they were already near the village in the intelligence reports. He drummed his fingers on the arm of his seat slowly, lazily, and glanced to the side regarding his partner on this mission. The haze of the room curled possessively around the white head of hair, and Kanda breathed in deeply, eyes slitting as he attempted to stave off the lethargy seeping into his very bones. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs from the corners of his awareness, and focused on the object of his contemplation.

Said white haired man was engrossed in a spread of food that made Kanda's stomach clench unpleasantly. Unpleasant. That, Kanda mused in irritation, was how to sum up this whole mission so far. How could the bean sprout eat when it was this damn hot? Granted, the food, 'tapas', as Allen had informed him-smelled the slightest bit appetizing. There was no Soba to be had in the south of Spain, a fact that had not escaped Kanda's notice. The boy-no, the man now, Kanda conceded, and even in his mind, the concession grated with grudging respect-the man ate as if he had some sort of black hole between his mouth and his stomach.

Allen blinked, suddenly aware that he was being watched, and he turned in his seat, fixing Kanda with an inquisitive stare as he paused his mad dash to eat as much as possible before they reached their destination. Grey eyes locked with deep sapphire, clear, and sharp like the sword at the samurai's side, and the room felt a little smaller, and a little hotter. Allen blinked slowly, that small moment of silence stretching between them in the sluggish heat of the train compartment. The moment was broken though, as Kanda's lips pulled into a thin line, and Allen swore he bristled-rather like an angry cat.

Having been caught staring, Kanda did what he always did when confronted by those grey eyes. He slid easily into a comfortable facade, a facade that did not cloud his reason, did not make him question, did not make him regret that his life may end before it ever started, attachment was pointless. Somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, as hazy as the train compartment, and as insidious as smoke curling under a door, a strange _something_ had begun to take hold of Kanda, but he pushed it down, squashed it with all of his will. For now.

"Would you chew with your mouth closed bean sprout. Your food is already dead, it's not going to run away from you, for fuck's sake!" The words were practically spat out, and had Allen just met the black haired man, he would have flinched at the tone. This not being the case, he merely smiled, allowing his cheeks to puff up with food in a way that he knew would further infuriate his fastidious companion. Oblivious though he may have seemed, Allen realized that the older exorcist enjoyed their verbal and physical sparring on at least _some_ level. It was something, a chink in the unreadable man's armor, and Allen was slowly using it to get under Kanda's skin.

"Whasat Kanda? Can't hear you over the sound of how delicious this is!" The white haired man said cheerily, and was rewarded with a twitch from the other exorcist. Mission accomplished.

The little fucker was doing it on purpose, Kanda just knew it. It wouldn't do to get into a large altercation in a moving train, however, so he stowed his wrath for another time. The heat pressed around him, enforcing his desire to move as little as possible, even if it meant ignoring the pair of eyes watching him, eyes with a strange _something_ in them that Kanda did not want to notice. With an irritated 'che', he closed his eyes, and set his mind on meditating until they reached their destination.

Allen stared over at his now meditating companion, and wondered at how it was possible for ice to sweat.

Please review! I will give you all of the sweets your heart desires.


	2. Sombra

Disclaimer: I do not own Man, or any of the characters therein. All rights belong to the creator(s) of the series. Additionally, if you dislike themes of homosexuality, this story is NOT for you.

Chapter two! Apologies for taking so long to update, I've been a lazy ass. Also, I was trying to get the story straight in my head. /excusesexcuses

To my reviewers, thank you so much! I truly appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

Karina 001: Thank you, and I hope I keep you interested throughout the story!

Izaya9a: Very short, I apologize. It was really more of a preface than a real chapter. Or maybe I'm just a lazy asshole. Thank you for the review.

EXO718: I've never written for his character before, so I hope to get him right. Thank you for the compliment, and I hope not to disappoint!

FameliaLY: Nope, definitely not a oneshot, it's going to be a multi chaptered fic. Glad you like it so far.

OMGILoveToOmNomNoms: Lol, you're not slow! Thank you for the compliment, and the review.

Now onward to chapter 2.

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The town was nearly empty when they arrived, the streets barren, and the shops closed. It was eerie, but Allen shrugged it off, eerie he could handle, with his cursed eye it was nigh impossible for Akuma to sneak up on him. Strangely though, he sensed no Akuma within range of his sight. The finder walking in front of them led them through narrow cobbled streets, and when they reached a small inn, he indicated it with a wave of his hand.

"This is where you will be staying, Sir Exorcists. It is the only inn we were able to find that is still accepting visitors. The rest of the town has closed itself off in a fit of superstition." The finder stated, looking worriedly over at Kanda.

"The people of this town, have they all left? I don't see anyone." Allen questioned, as he walked into the inn, Kanda was silent at his side, and the finder nodded in confirmation.

"The church at the end of the road, that is the source of the disturbance and-" The finder was cut off by Kanda's sudden inquiry.

"Do you believe there is innocence involved?" He asked sharply, glancing up the road to the church in question.

"W-we do not know, Sir Exorcist. The church itself…it will not allow us entry, we stand by the gates, but there is a sort of wall we hit." The finder looked so distressed about this admission that Allen patted his shoulder encouragingly.

"Thank you for keeping an eye on it, we will go see what we can do." At his side, Kanda grit his teeth, and stalked off towards the church. Allen's kindness burned him. It made him angry, it made him resentful, it made him _want_.

The kind of want he knew could never be fulfilled, not if he wanted to keep his sanity. Kindness was not something he was accustomed to. Pain, disregard, cruelty, he could deal with those-his childhood (if you could call it that) as a second had certainly left its mark. Kindness made him feel weak, it reminded him of someone he had lost long ago. Kanda crushed the road beneath his feet in fury, today was not the day to start feeling human.

Allen watched as the older exorcist stalked away from him with annoyance. The finder at his side winced, and Allen gave his shoulder another pat, before taking off after the black haired exorcist.

"Kanda, damn it, would it kill you to be less of an asshole?" He asked, catching up easily with his companion.

"Shut up. Let's just get this over with." Was Kanda's response, his features schooled into a look of mild irritation.

Allen had to wonder if this was the same man who had stood by his side and helped hold his sword aloft when fighting the level four that had broken into the order. They had felt like true companions then-he, Rabi, and Kanda. Looking over at the taller man's grim face, he was struck by the idea that he was being pushed away.

'Idiot'. He thought, and pointed down the road at the church.

"Right there. Are you sure you don't want to rest first?" Allen already knew the answer, but he was an optimist at heart.

"No. We can't waste any time, if there are no Akuma here, every second is crucial." Ah yes, Kanda never disappointed.

The rest of the short journey was made in silence. Though Allen had the urge to talk to his surly companion, it did not seem the opportune time to make idle chit chat.

The church was unassuming in appearance, dark stone forming the walls, and a tall fence encircling the property. It was odd in its marked lack of ornamentation, save for engraved writing above a large pair of heavy looking doors.

"_Qui autem odit fratrem suum in tenebris est et in tenebris ambulat et nescit quo eat quoniam tenebrae obcaecaverunt oculos eiu. _That. That is Latin, I don't speak Latin." Allen said, reading over the carved script yet again, as if that would help in any way.

"Who cares what it says, I'm going to try and step through." Kanda took a deep breath, and moved to step through the gates of the church.

"Wait, Kanda, you don't know if it will let you throu-" Allen was silenced as the dark haired exorcist stepped easily into the church ground, and walked towards the door.

"Are you coming, or am I going to have to do this myself?" The bastard looked smug, and Allen hated it when Kanda looked smug. With a glance back at the street, Allen stepped past the gates, and went through without a hitch. The strangeness of the situation registered in his mind, but they had yet to be attacked, still, Allen kept Crown Clown at the ready.

Allen moved to Kanda's side, and fixed him with a glare, what if it was a trap? The man in question seemed unconcerned, and yet again moved away from his side. With a momentary glance back at the shorter exorcist, Kanda opened the doors to the church, and stepped through. The sight that met his eyes was unusual, and he beckoned Allen to come closer. The interior of the building was nearly barren, church pews stacked by the walls in a very purposeful looking way. As if anyone could stack something as large as church pews without purpose. However, what drew the eyes of both exorcists was the center of the room.

Nine crumbling columns surrounded an area so stained and blackened, that it was difficult to tell what its original color had been. Ringing the exterior of the circle was yet another group of unfamiliar words, and Allen felt a chill go sown his spine upon reading them. '_Si un ciego guía a otro ciego, ambos caerán en el hoyo.' _the meaning escaped him, but he was certain it was not positive.

"We need Rabi." Allen stated, and was met with an irritated growl from his companion.

"What part of 'we do not have time to waste' do you not understand?" Kanda ground out, and then resisted the urge to shudder at the sudden pressure drop in the room.

"Did you feel that?" Allen was nervous, the atmosphere in the open space had changed, even the sun filtering in through the windows seemed to tremble.

Kanda nodded once, and drew Mugen with grim expectation. All around them, the shadows were suddenly alive with movement. At first it was almost imperceptible, but the more they looked, the more apparent it became. Something was there.

"These are not Akuma, be…be careful." Allen whispered under his breath, and saw Kanda tense as the forms slowly began hemming them in.

"Shit, this may be the innocence. Even if it is attacking us, we can't destroy it!" With a growl, Kanda lashed out at one of the encroaching figures, only to watch with agitation as it dissipated into mist.

"We can't touch them, can they touch us?" Allen wondered nervously, swiping at a group of the figures with Crown Clown, and watching as they too burst into mist.

At that moment, one of the beings threw itself at Kanda, and as the swordsmen drew up Mugen to slice it in twain, the creature clawed score marks into the astonished man's shoulders.

"They can touch us, shit!" Kanda swore eloquently at Allen's observation, rending the taloned creature into mist, and turning furious eyes to the mass of writhing darkness creeping ever closer.

"Thanks for that observation, I feel so much better now that I know!" Kanda hissed, striking out with Mugen at anything that came within range of his blade. The illusions he produced were not having the desired effects, and even as the creatures were dissolved into mist, they returned anew, howling with rage.

Back they were pushed, until both of them were at the very edges of the circle in the center of the room. With dawning horror, Allen realized that the forms clawing at them wanted to push them into the circle.

"They want us in the circle, stay away from it!" Allen yelled, dodging to the side, but Kanda did not register it, all he could focus on was the figure sliding up behind the shorter exorcist. He moved as if in a dream, fighting his way through the figures holding him back, slicing through the mist like light cutting through shadow.

"Get out of the way, idiot!" He screamed as he lunged towards Allen, knocking him to the side. Its intended prey suddenly out of reach, the creature shrieked, and was upon Kanda, biting and clawing at the equally ferocious samurai.

Allen did not have time to think about what Kanda had done, as he was immediately set upon by other shadows. He rolled to his feet, and was met with a wall of blackness directly in front of him. Hands reached towards him, as if to tear his limbs apart.

"If they want someone to step into the circle fine! I will do it, just leave the fucking bean sprout out of it!" Allen's gaze snapped over to where Kanda stood. The older exorcist was panting slightly, his eyes wild.

"Kanda, you can't! What if it…what if it kills you." He was frantic, but the plea was wasted on his stubborn companion.

"Moron. I can't die." With that, Kanda stepped into the circle, and the creatures surrounding them released a collective shriek that Allen felt he would remember until his dying day.

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A/N the writings on the wall of the church are biblical quotes. The first is in Latin, and states : But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. The second is in Spanish, and says: If the blind leadeth the blind, both will fall into the ditch.


	3. Ciegos

Disclaimer: I do not own Man, the story and characters are property of their respective copyright holder. Again, if affection between two men disturbs you, do not read this. And just a heads up, there will be sex in later chapters. If you've gotten to this point though, I doubt you really have a problem with it. I will also warn that in this chapter there is some violence-but never rape, I don't ever write rape.

**Some Spoilers **for later chapters-think 150 onward, but not a huge amount.

Again, a million thank yous to my reviewers, you make my day(s)! Additionally, thank you to all of you who have added this to your favorites, and story alerts, it brings me joy!

FinalVerse: Kanda can be foolhardy, yes?

EXO718: The quotes have a great deal to do with what the story is based around. All will be revealed in due time. I am glad you are enjoying it so far!

Izaya91: I feel like Kanda does not understand what to do with kindness. He's such a defensive, angry type, writing him any other way would make me feel odd, lol. Yes, a level four attacks, and it's very interesting, the teamwork dynamic was fun to play around with in my head. You reminded me that I need to warn for some spoilers on that chapter. Thank you for the review!

Karina001: Smiling reviewers are always good! Thank you for reviewing, and for your kind words.

Thegriffin88: Apologies for the cliffhanger, but it was necessary to set the tone. And look, an update!

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It was hot, crushingly, painfully, hot, the air Kanda breathed in nearly scorched his lungs, and he dropped to one knee with a choked off gasp. Everywhere was blackness, God, not the blackness. It reminded him of those first moments of death, and he panted, staggering blindly to the side. He had not died, he always knew when he died.

First there would be darkness, and then, oh yes, _then_ there was peace. The beautiful absence of lotus flowers that carpeted his every step, clarity, everything he could not allow himself to have, or simply could not have just by virtue of his artificial existence. In those moments, Kanda truly felt that he had a soul, that he was _real_. It was not to be, he was always dragged back, and oh, _oh_, the pain was always indescribable. The madness of feeling peace for a moment, only to have it torn away-it was enough to leave a man screaming with the futility of it all.

He was not dead though, it hurt too much for him to be dead. Which meant that whatever was happening to him could be fought. So he locked his terror away, deep in a place he only found in those moments after reawakening. With a rattling breath, and the fire burning all the while in his lungs, he rose to his feet once more.

"Show yourself!" The black haired exorcist was yelling out into the darkness, Mugen held aloft in steady hands. Yelling into the darkness, did that make him mad?

He brushed the thought aside as the temperature suddenly dropped, and a soft rasping sound reverberated around the room. With a start, he remembered where he was, but could not see beyond himself. So dark, it was so dark and cold. Shivers broke out along his skin as he tried to work out where the sound had come from.

"Face me, asshole, I don't have time for these kinds of games!" Kanda was panting, even as he tried to control his breathing. The cold was forcing his body to react, and he wondered distantly why the scientists had made him capable of feeling temperature.

To his left, a puff of breath slid along his cheek, freezing cold, and reeking of ash. Kanda went rigid, dropping into a crouch and swinging Mugen out in a sharp upwards arc. The blade sliced only through air, catching instead on thick, black, oily smoke.

"Ugh, damn it, that is disgusting!" A whispery chuckle answered his pronouncement, and Kanda felt himself growing more enraged. With a hiss of anger, and the smell of ash and lotus flowers burning in his senses, he threw himself (Mugen first) towards the sound of the laughter.

It was mocking him, Kanda realized, as yet again, his sword came up drenched in the oily smoke.

With a low growl, he began uttering the phrase to release his third illusion. Shadows be damned, he would not be toyed with. The darkness was there immediately, coiling around his hand, sliding up to insinuate itself between his moving lips when he sucked in a startled gasp. Mugen clattered to the floor as he fell to his knees, the breath halting jarringly in his now spasming lungs.

It was freezing and burning all at the same time, and Kanda tried to retch, but his body was not reacting. He clawed at his throat, feeling that blackness move through him, searing a trail of agony in its wake. Nothing, _nothing, _had ever felt like this. He thrashed ineffectually on the floor, and his mouth opened in a scream, but no sound came out. Lotus petals fell from his lips, and Kanda's eyes rolled madly with panic.

'_Nonono_!' His mind screamed at him to move, and he was brought back to another time when movement had been impossible. He had been immobile on a cement slab, his consciousness slipping away from him even as he had given up.

'Not again, no please, not again!' Was what he attempted to say, but could only choke around the smoke and pain wracking him to his very core.

And then there was silence, save for his labored breathing, and the distant sound of someone screaming. The noise was drowned out however, when a figure stepped into Kanda's line of vision. It was amorphous, save for the multitude of eyes embedded into its shadowy skin.

"_Exorcist_." The words resounded around the void, and Kanda shuddered, taking in a choked breath. Mugen was so close, but he could not move, and could only stare as the creature leaned forward. He felt his stomach churn as the smell of burned Lotus flowers hit his nose. He could _see_ them again, charred and withering in the corners of his vision, and suddenly he was terrified.

"_I have never, not in all of my existence, seen eyes like yours. I wonder, exorcist, if the eyes of a doll with a soul will complete me. Even if you are blind already." _It was spoken like a caress, and Kanda began thrashing anew on the ground.

Outside of the nine pillars, Allen stood, trying, and failing to move past the barrier that had appeared after Kanda had stepped into the circle. The shadowy figures had all but disappeared, watching him silently as he scrabbled against the transparent wall. He could see him, he could see his companion writhing in the circle, and it made him feel sick with rage. The creature pulled Kanda's head up, and it was akin to watching a child pull the wings from the struggling body of a fly.

For a moment, the white haired exorcist could not comprehend what he was seeing. Kanda was screaming, finally screaming, and his eyes, the creature had ripped them from him with a practiced ease that spoke of experience.

The black haired exorcist lay twisting in agony on the ground, he had managed to pull free from the invisible bonds that held him, but the many eyed shadow still held his throat. The resulting damage to his limbs was difficult to look at. But it was nothing compared to the horror of seeing someone so strong being tortured into insanity. Allen felt tears blur his eyes, and he pounded at the barrier, hacking at slashing at it with all of his might with his sword.

There was a lurch, and a crackling sound like a thousand wailing voices, and Allen fell through the barrier. There was no hesitation. With a scream of pure wrath, he swung towards the form that held a very still Kanda. It released him, dropping the older exorcist on the floor as if he were a broken toy. He was beyond anger, the urge to kill the thing standing so calmly over his fallen companion seethed in him like a poison.

"Get away from him!" The white haired exorcist dashed towards the figure with killing intent, white hair flying around his face in a shining halo. He was side-stepped easily, and it took all of his agility to follow the dark entity as it moved away from Kanda. Allen hefted his sword up, pointing it towards the shadowy mass, a snarl worthy of the black haired exorcist twisting his features. He could have sworn that it was smiling at him, but it was too dark to tell.

It was then that the creature _laughed._ Not just any laugh, it was a slimy, malicious thing, and Allen shuddered.

"_Do you think you can save him?" _The voice was in his head now, stinging, burning like a white hot poker. Allen's breaths came out in short pants, and he wavered, dangerously close to falling. Hot, so hot, his body was not meant to withstand this kind of heat, no one's was.

"I will save him, I will-" There were cold fingers stabbing through his mind, and Allen abruptly dropped to the floor, clutching his head. A multitude of pleading voices tore through is psyche, all of them begging for salvation. All of them the voices of those he had been unable to save.

"_You cannot. You are both blind, both fools, but I will play a game with you, because I grow bored of slaughter. Lead him, if you can, save him, if you can. If you do, I will release him." _The creature's tone had become mocking, but it was some hope to latch onto, hope was something Allen clung to like a life raft.

"What will happen if I fail?" A quiet sound of amusement met his question, and the being gestured at Kanda's body.

"_I will burn him from the inside out, I will eat his mind, I will destroy him, as I did the shadows whom serve me now. You though, you I will leave alive, so you can wallow in your failure and guilt." _The thought of his dark haired companion being forced into servitude even in death was enough to steel his resolve. To hell and back, he would go there to save anyone, for Kanda, he would go even further. The man had saved him, jumped in front of killing blows for him on several occasions. Allen would not back down, even if it meant dying in the process.

"I will not fail." It was becoming a mantra, as if it would come true in the repetition.

"_Will you now? I look forward to watching you try, Allen Walker." _With that, the darkness was gone.

It was then that Allen truly allowed himself to look at Kanda. With a soft sob he moved over to the fallen samurai, turning him onto his back to assess the damage. There was blood everywhere, but he was alive, just barely.

"Kanda, oh God, I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry." He groaned in anguish, lifting the Mugen and the taller exorcist easily, and carrying him out of the church. He was so still in his arms, as he had been during their first mission to Mater. Guilt weighed him down like a stone, but he steeled his resolve. It would not help Kanda if he were to falter now. Then he was running, knocking on doors to try and find a doctor, the finders were gone, and Allen felt panic welling up in his chest. Kanda would heal, he knew this, but that did not mean Allen was going to allow him to suffer needlessly. Especially since it could have been himself in Kanda's position if the man had not been so intent on going it alone.

No one would open their doors to him, and Allen resisted the urge to scream in frustration. What was happening, why would no one help them? It was only a few minutes to reach their hotel, but to Allen it felt like hours. Kanda's body was a weight in his soul as he stumbled into the lobby, yelling for a physician, for anyone that could help.

There was no answer, the hotel was completely empty. Kanda stirred in his arms, full body tremors coursing through his battered form. Allen placed him on a couch, and began stripping the torn clothes from his body. If no one could help him, then he would have to bind the swordsman's wounds himself.

Allen could not suppress a sound of grief as more of Kanda's body came into view. He was covered in a fine spider-webbing of cuts, his wrists, shoulders, and legs were full of open wounds. The skin there was charred, black as midnight from the power used to bind him. There were no bandages to be found, so Allen tore the white linen curtains down from the hotel windows, and set off to the kitchens in search of a basin. Kanda's wounds needed to be cleaned, and then Komui needed to be alerted to the gravity of their situation.

It only took a few moments to find what he needed, and Allen thanked the stars for small miracles. There was a first aid kit in the kitchen, presumably for anyone unlucky enough to burn themselves while cooking. When he strode back over to his reluctant friend's side, Allen saw Kanda's fingers twitch. He had to work quickly. Allen had a feeling that when his companion regained consciousness, all would not be well.

His time as an exorcist had trained him in dressing wounds, and soon Kanda was covered in bandages. As much as Allen wanted to stay by Kanda's side, he knew that the order needed to be informed of their state. So he rose to his feet slowly, a whispered 'I'll be right back.' in Kanda's ear, as he brushed the long black hair away from his face.

When he had made it to the phone in the lobby, Allen barely had time to utter a greeting to Komui, before the man was questioning him worriedly.

"Where are you? Link has no idea where you are, the finders have been waiting for days, and none of the golems can find you." Allen started at those words.

"L-Link, why, why is he not with me?" It came back in a rush, Link had been right behind him on the way to the train, or so he had thought. It had not even occurred to him that there _was_ a Link once he had set foot on the train.

"Allen, what is going on." Komui was worried, the sharp intake on the other end of the line only made him more so.

"Kanda's been hurt, badly, the finders are gone, I don't know what to do. It..it ripped out his eyes, Komui!" The last words came out in a frantic rush, and Komui clutched at the phone.

"Allen." He said softly. "Allen, there are no finders there, they are all with Link, waiting for you and Kanda."

"What? How is that possible?" Allen's voice cracked in disbelief, eyes darting around the suddenly smoky room.

"Get out of there, I don't know what has happened, but you need to come home, get out now, Allen!" The white haired man did not need another telling, he hung the phone on its cradle, and ran over to Kanda. Careful of his many wounds, Allen lifted him gently, and ran from the hotel. There were people outside, faces twisted in looks of revulsion, they pointed as Allen ran past.

"¡_Son mentirosos!" _

"¡ _Son ciegos!"_

"¡ _Son condenados!"_

Kanda moaned in pain in his arms, and Allen ran faster. He made it to his destination with haste. A bridge over the train tracks would have to do it, anywhere was better than this town. The shorter man's thoughts were broken off as people crowded around the two exorcists, pointing and hissing. The people pressed in closer, pulling at Allen's hair, and running their hands over Kanda's still form.

Over the sound of his own fear, Allen heard the familiar approach of a train, and heedless to the danger, pitched off of the bridge. He landed as gracefully as possible, mindful of the body clutched to his chest.

Only later, inside the train compartment, did the panic and grief truly hit him. He ran a shaky hand along the bandages covering Kanda's face, and he wept. Not loudly, not messily, but silently. None of Kanda's wounds had even begun to heal.

"I'll save you. I swear I will." He whispered, bowing his head, and waiting for the older exorcist to come back to him.

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The villagers are saying: You are liars, you are blind, and you are damned, in that order.

Review, por favor?


	4. Ahogados

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man or any of the characters therein. All characters in the story are 18+ for the purposes of propriety. Additionally, if you can't accept the gay, I suggest you go elsewhere. Oh yes, some spoilers for later chapters as always. If you are unaware of Kanda's past, this story will probably mention it.

Hello everyone, and thank you for reading chapter four of my story. To all of my returning readers, I apologize for the long wait. Finals have been kicking my ass and taking names. Luckily it seems I have managed to pull good marks, hooray! So in celebration, I bring you this chapter. Many thanks to all of you reviewers, story alert-ers and favorite-ers. I will address my reviewers at the end of the chapter, so you can get right to the reading.

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There was a trickle of red making its way down from the tear in the right corner of Kanda's mouth. It was brilliantly red, the color made Allen feel sick. Even long before the war he had hated the color red. Hated the hue that clung to his innocence arm because it set him apart. Now he hated for other reasons. War had made him hate the color red all over again. Seeing it splashed all over Kanda with the crude and artless hand of a butcher made him furious. Kanda was not meant to wear red, Kanda was onyx. Kanda was made of cold, and dark, and unyielding black stone. Kanda did not bleed, did not break, did not burn at the corners like a moth come too close to a flame. Or so Allen had thought.

As he stepped through the ark gate that he had finally gained the presence of mind to summon, Allen wondered if his sanity really _was_ slipping. A chord of swirling sound and color whirled through his mind, and the faint laughter of the fourteenth was locked away behind an iron door. He stood in the order now, the clouds of confusion still refusing to dissipate. Before he could think too much on his state of awareness, there were people swarming him, trying to pry Kanda out of his arms. He pulled back, reeling, clutching the dark haired man to himself. Unfamiliar voices yelled to him, and Allen tried his best to shield Kanda.

"It has to be me!" Allen screamed, clutching at the larger man.

"Stop! Don't touch-"A sharp slap to the face, and the world came back into focus, Howard Link stared down at him, expression inscrutable.

"Walker. He needs medical attention. Let him go, now." The words were clipped, but the tone was a gentler one than Allen had ever heard from the man.

"It has to be me." Allen whispered, staring up at Link, eyes wide and frantic.

"Walker, are you hearing me? Do not persist in this behavior, you are not helping. If you hold to him any more tightly, the only thing you will succeed in doing is fracturing one of his ribs." Allen sagged slightly, looking up at Link. Perhaps the medical staff could help Kanda. Perhaps the monster had lied, leaving Allen to clutch at his companion until he died without treatment? It seemed possible, but Allen was stubborn.

"It has to be me." He murmured again, but finally allowed the medical staff to pull Kanda from his arms. A few wisps of night-black hair clung to his fingers, before they too drew away, carried off with the man he had clung to so fiercely.

For a long while he did not move. It was not until Link hauled him to his feet, that he even spared the man another glance. The inspector looked to be at a loss for a moment, before he began walking towards Komui's office.

"We need to know what happened, and if this has something to do with Noah." If it were not for the tone of Link's voice, Allen almost would have taken his words for business as usual. However, the man looked to be quite shaken, in his own reserved way.

"It is not Noah, and if it had not been for Kanda…it could have been me in his position." Link looked over at him for a moment but said nothing, opening the door to Komui's office, and following him in.

Komui sat at his desk, a worried expression on his face, the office looked to be more of a disaster than usual. "Allen, sit down, and tell me what happened, please."

"I…it…I don't know what it was! There were shadows, and this _thing, _please, I need to go where Kanda is, I-" His babbling was cut off by a voice near his left shoulder. Had he been in a better state of mind, the white haired exorcist would have jumped at the sudden (and stealthy) appearance of another person.

"Hey, hey, calm down, tell me what you saw, maybe I can help." It was Lavi, and though the man appeared to be attempting to look carefree, he was failing miserably. Still, seeing the Bookman Junior¹ gave him some measure of comfort. Surely Lavi could shed some light on his situation, even if no one else could. So Allen steadied himself, and recounted the events as he had witnessed them. The look on the redheads face when he was done did nothing to assuage his fear. Link too seemed to have a look on his face that did not enforce the notion of 'everything will be alright'.

"Walker, it may be best if you were to…stay with exorcist Kanda." The inspector's words made Allen's eyes go wider than he thought possible, and Allen stared fearfully at the blond man.

"What? Link, what is going on? You know what's happening, don't you?" Link merely stood and said nothing, moving swiftly over to the door.

"Stay with your comrade, Walker, that is an order. I must go speak with Leverrier about what has transpired." Allen was fuming, how could he just say that, and expect to reveal nothing? He stood, and was set on following the inspector, but Lavi's hand on his shoulder stayed his intention for the moment.

"Alle-Walker…I can only say this much, so listen closely. The order has made many enemies over the years, and some of them have long memories. I think you may have met one of them. This cannot end well, that is all I am at liberty to say." With that, Link was out the door, and it was all Allen could do not to chase after him.

Cannot end well. Cannot end well? The words reverberated in his mind like a death sentence. No. No, he would not allow it to end badly, he had succeeded where others had failed, others had died. _'Haven't you also failed those you have loved the most, Allen dear?' _The voice in his head was musical, twisting along his nerve endings in a mocking caress. With a shake of his head, he brushed the fourteenth aside, looking up into Lavi's concerned gaze. He had failed others before, but this time he would not, if he had to offer himself in place of Kanda, so be it.

"I'm going, and no Komui, I'm not going to rest. What would Kanda think, if he knew I had promised to help, only to disappear as soon as we were back at the order? He would be furious, call me an idiot beansprout, you know how that pisses me off." Distantly, Allen realized that he was attempting to normalize the situation, even to himself, but sometimes delusions were necessary.

He strode from the room, ignoring the looks on Komui and Lavi's faces, to look at them would undo his carefully reconstructed confidence. Right now that was all that held him steady.

The walls of the order had always seemed a comforting thing, its winding corridors were something Allen loved to wander around. To get lost in the feeling of having a home was nothing less than a godsend for the formerly homeless exorcist. Today though, the long expanses separating him from the infirmary were reminders of his unraveling stability. The longer it took him to make it down the hallway, the more his mind suggested terrible things. So he ran, bolting down the isolated passages like a man possessed.

The infirmary was a quiet place on most days, but on this day it was completely silent. In the stillness, Kanda was drowning, pulled under floating lotuses, his eyes were open, but he could see nothing. He knew they were there though, their stalks brushed past his hands in the cold darkness, and his mouth opened in a gasp. The water was there, choking his lungs with flower scented liquid, stealing his breath with frightening speed.

Lavi had once laughingly prodded him about his lack of knowledge concerning anything other than fighting. The redhead had been adamant that he learn of a western writer named Shakespeare. So they had read a play, 'Hamlet'. Ophelia's madness and suicide by drowning had always felt eerie to someone who had been birthed from water, though he had said nothing to the hammer wielder at the time.

Now, pulled under and unable to breath, Kanda wondered how someone could subject themselves to such a terrible death. Was he mad, had he done this to himself? The confusion and pain left him screaming, and he tried to uproot the floating flowers that held him so tightly to the bottom of the pond. Often he had practiced with his eyes blindfolded, but this was a different kind of blindness. It was terrifying, and he knew now without a doubt, there were _things_ in the dark. What was this, why, _why_?

Then he was being lifted out of the water, not by arms pulling him up, but by a narrow palm over his. Had this been any other time, he would have pulled away sharply, no matter his injuries. This was like no other time though, and his fingers twitched, as he tried to grasp the hand over his.

His ears were ringing, it was difficult to hear, but he knew the person touching him was attempting to calm him. He was breathing now, his throat sore from screaming. When had he been screaming? Kanda was not sure, but the hand on him was solid and real, the first real thing he had felt since falling in the church.

"Kanda, can you hear me, please, you're in there, aren't you?" The voice was making sense now, with a start, Kanda realized it was Allen talking to him. How shameful to be so weak in front of that man. He shuddered, and tried to pull away, but the movement left him panting with pain. He stilled, clutching at the hand on his with what was surely bruising force.

Kanda could hear him, Allen knew this without a shadow of a doubt. When he had walked into the room and found the older exorcist so far gone, he had wondered how he could even begin to bring him back from the brink. Knowing Kanda as he did, it was obvious that he would not want to be witnessed in such a vulnerable state. Kanda could take his damnable pride and bury it, Allen was going to help him, whether he wanted it or not. Sometimes behaving like a petulant child had its benefits. Allen was nothing if not tenacious, even in the face of almost certain failure.

Still, the hand crushing his was a bit painful, but Allen welcomed it. That Kanda still had enough strength to have such a powerful grip, was surely a good sign. Or so Allen hoped.

"Listen to me Kanda, I'm going to make this up to you, I swear. I won't fail you." The black haired exorcist jerked slightly on the bed at the words, awareness falling on him like a bucket of icy water. He tried to open his eyes, but was only met with a sharp stab of pain. His body was aching, there was cold agony wound around him in a crushing embrace. His body was not healing, and he was acutely aware of every little cut etched into his skin.

Tightly he clenched his jaw against making a sound, but groaned through his teeth against his will. He felt Allen jump slightly at the sound, and cursed inwardly. Weak, he was so weak. There was something laughing at him, back in the recesses of his mind, it was watching him, and Kanda fought the urge to spit at it. Gathering his strength, Kanda attempted to sit up, nothing happened. His body refused to cooperate, the mattress mocked him with its softness, and he groaned again, this time in a mix of pain and frustration.

Allen moved to get up, but was stopped by Kanda's hand clenching tighter around his. "Kanda, let me get you something, you're going to break my hand, asshole." Allen's voice completely lacked any venom, but he hoped speaking to Kanda as he always had would help to reassure the other exorcist that he was not judging him for needing help. Kanda was terrible at accepting help of any kind, no matter how badly it was needed.

Allen felt Kanda's hand loosen its grip, and he sighed with relief. For now at least, it looked as if the dark haired man would not fight his aide. He stepped from Kanda's side, and was met by the Matron's steely gaze. The woman had the eyes of a bird of prey, but she seemed appeased by Allen's ability to end the samurai's screaming. Without a word, she pressed something into his hand and walked away. It appeared that even the matron knew she could do nothing for the bedridden man.

Kanda felt something press against his lips, and realized it was some sort of medication. Pain killers, he sincerely hoped, as a glass of something cool was held to his mouth. The water was soothing on his raw throat, and in moments relief flooded him. This was no time to fight for consciousness, if the medication encouraged sleep, then sleep he would. In his last moments of wakefulness, he felt something brush against his cheek, feather light, it could have been lips, but Kanda's mind was clouding over too quickly to contemplate what had just occurred. As darkness closed around him, calming this time, he heard distant whispering. "I won't let it have you."

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As always, review if you enjoyed it, or if you spotted any glaring grammatical missteps.

A/N

1. I do not know if that should be capitalized. Correct me if I'm wrong!

To my wonderful reviewers:

Soaha: Actually, based on his memories in the latest chapters…

SPOILER: he seems capable of healing from even his arms falling off, and major physical trauma. Which really kind of sucks for him. Thank you for the review!

PeachTeaKT: Don't worry, I'm not stopping, I just got really busy for a while there. College does not want me to write fanfics, it's a conspiracy I tell you. Thank you for your kind words, and I hope to keep you reading.

Kaidious: Thank you very much! It's my goal to try and keep both of them in character. And I also wanted to write a story where the mission was pivotal to the plot, rather than just an aside. Granted, I like stories like that too, but I love me some plot.

Spiro911: Such kindness, I appreciate your words, and your review.

Marufu-Chan: I hope to fulfill your expectations, and exceed them. Reviews are wonderful, and I thank you for yours.

Izaya91: It is a plot thing, but I won't spoil it, later chapters will explain everything to your satisfaction, I hope. Feel free to smack me around if I don't, lol.

And yes, I appreciate a good PWP, but I just can't write them. Porn is good, but as I said to Kaidious, I can't write without some kind of plot. Maybe one day I will write pure smut, today is not that day though. Thank you for reviewing!

Thegriffin88: Thank you, and I'm happy to read your review. : )

Karina001: I'm glad you thought so, it was supposed to be a little (or a lot, based on my reviews) on the dark side. Kanda does not seem like he could be made vulnerable by anything other than drastic happenings. I appreciate the review!


	5. Amanecer

Disclaimer: I do not own Man, or any of the characters therein. All rights belong to the creator(s) of the series. Additionally, if you dislike themes of homosexuality, this story is NOT for you.

I admit it, I lost my damn mind a few months ago, and my inspiration went with it. I'm an ass, a lazy ass with a bent for procrastination, no excuses. Apologies to all for the tremendous wait, I will be better! /shot

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the favorites, story reviews, and alerts. It encourages me more than you can all know. Replies to my reviewers post chapter. Now onward at last.

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Day became night, still Allen sat by his dark haired companion, as if he could make him well by will alone. He contented himself by running gentle hands through Kanda's tangled hair. An act the older exorcist would surely have beat him with Mugen for, had he been awake. Tangles did not suit Kanda, just as red did not, Kanda was always perfect. Kanda was all sleek lines, faces of disdain, wrath, and haughty disregard. Kanda was…Kanda was…_broken, _and there was nothing Allen could do about it.

The white haired exorcist felt a prickling in his eyes, and struggled to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He would not cry, he would _not_. But it was too late, his body shuddered, and the tears slipped out, patterning the elder exorcist's face with a few wet trails. They slid down the slope of the sleeping man's face like rain over marble.

Through the fog of a drug induced sleep, Kanda felt something wet touch his face. He attempted to reach up, but found his traitorous arms as unresponsive as his comprehension. Heavy, so heavy. The body that had always served him well felt leaden, weighted to the mattress with invisible chains. Dimly he registered soft sounds filtering through his awareness, and something slowly moving through his hair. It felt soothing, and Kanda was too disoriented with artificial exhaustion to care.

Another sound, and with a start Kanda understood. Someone was crying, but who would cry over him? He had worked very hard to insure that no one would mourn his death, although there were a few stubborn outliers that refused to be pushed away. With a detachment brought on by the medication, he idly wondered which stubborn (idiot) person his visitor was.

A hand worked its way through his hair again, and Kanda shuddered. His body ached in ways he did not quite comprehend. Even through the haze of drugs, he was peripherally aware that something was dreadfully wrong. The hand in his hair was a small and unexpected balm. With a shaky sigh; a sound that would have made him bare his teeth were he fully cognizant; he turned his face slowly into the touch. The person next to him took in a sharp intake of breath at the action, and Kanda would have smirked were it not for his confusion.

They were talking to him, but his ears were nearly deaf, as if he were submerged under deep water. Suddenly that previous feeling of utter _wrongness _ was there again, and so too was the suffocating presence of something choking him in the deep, dark blackness. A strangled sound escaped his lips as he tried to raise uncooperative arms, to reach for the person sitting so very close by. Confusion warred with panic, and he wheezed with pain, his throat felt constricted, a lead weight crushing his lungs with finality.

Then those soothing hands were grabbing his, squeezing tightly, and moving up to grab his chin. Something pressed against his cheek, and against his better judgment he turned into the touch once more.

Warmth met his lips, warm and _soft_. Gentle hands in his hair, and a warm _something_ at his lips, breathing life into him where there had been terror before.

A part of Kanda railed against that presence, wanted to bite what had to be an assuredly daring pair of lips, wanted to hiss, and spit, and 'che' until they regretted ever helping. But he was dizzy, and lost, and it was so hard to even _think_. So he lay there allowing a gentle not so stranger to breathe with him, through him, for him.

The weight on his chest began to feel less like lead, and more like remembrance. His thoughts danced on willfully ignored edges of well deep memory. Someone had loved Kanda once. They had kissed him like this. Kissed and held him when the water rose up and tried to drag him down into the dark. And Kanda, furious at his own weakness, disgusted with his own need, Kanda had pushed them away. The regret for what he had lost to his callousness burned like an acrid wound. Kanda dwelt on things that would not go away, picked at wounds that would not heal. After all, Kanda was not water, he did not flow like the white haired exorcist with the too old smile, and eyes that knew all too much. So Kanda breathed in, and sunk like a stone. He did not fight sleep as it claimed him once more.

He awoke some time later, how long it had been made no difference. His mouth felt cottony and dry with the effects of the fading medication. Fingers flexed experimentally, pleased to note that some of the feeling was back in his hands. Although, his wrists ached enough to make him clench his teeth in an involuntary groan he felt slight triumph when he was able to lift his hands. The triumph was short lived, as they shook, and fell short, resting on a soft head of hair.

What? There was someone sleeping at his side, their head resting close to Kanda's chest. Judging by their position they had to be sleeping in a chair, it couldn't be comfortable.

Allen was chewing on delicious marshmallows, they came in so many flavors, their happy little colors bounced on his tastebuds in a symphony of sugary glee. They were even being so kind as to pat his head. Wait, that wasn't right.

With a start, the white haired exorcist opened his eyes, spitting out a piece of sheet and mattress. The matron would be…_displeased _if she saw this. Allen would have agonized about his approaching doom, were it not for the feeling of a light tugging on his hair.

"K..Kanda, good morning." At the sound of his voice, the petting became a pull, and Allen almost smiled at the stubbornness of the gesture.

"Hey, don't be an ass, I'm just keeping you company. Lenalee was here earlier too, you didn't pull _her _hair." He kept his voice light, because feigning happiness had always served him better than despair.

"Wasn't awake…now was I?" Kanda's words were slurred, and more than a little raspy, but the younger exorcist had never heard a sound that made him more hopeful. Surely if Kanda had the mental presence to be an asshole, surely he would be alright. The older exorcist's next words made his heart sink with dread.

"What happened?" The words were heavily interspread with pauses, quiet, and just so much _weaker_ than they had ever been. It made Allen want to weep like a fool all over again.

"I'm not…entirely sure. Do you remember the church?" Kanda stiffened, his mouth locking shut, and his breathing taking on that labored cadence Allen had come to dread. He knew if action was not taken immediately, it would become far more difficult to draw Kanda out.

"Listen to me, listen, I'm here, I'm here! No one will let anything happen to you!" He forced steel into his words, grabbing Kanda's face, and standing up to lean over the injured exorcist, his lips just by a pale ear.

"I'm here, won't let that thing have you again, so snap out of it Bakanda!" A shudder passed through the supine form on the bed, and Kanda's breathing began to even out slowly.

"Sh..shit…I..oh god" Kanda shuddered again, his body wracking itself with shivers. "Oh _God…_" The pain in that voice, the utter fear and desperation had Allen's eyes fogging with tears again, and he made a split-second decision. With a fortifying breath, he slipped into the bed, wrapping his arms slowly around his off and on again rival, and Kanda _let _him.

"Don't..don't touch…." A cough, another shudder, and Allen held him tighter, running his fingers through blue black hair in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

"Shut up. Just breathe, don't think, you're just an idiot when you think." Allen said quietly, hoping to instill some normality into Kanda's whirling mind. He knew flashbacks when he saw them, after all, he had lived with their specter for enough time to understand when another was enduring one.

Kanda had always been a mystery though. Despite every painful, traumatic thing they had seen as servants of the order, the black haired exorcist had always seemed unaffected. Where others crawled, he walked, back straight, gaze unflinching. Allen had hated it as much as he had admired it. Now he just wanted that arrogance back where it belonged.

"Get out." Kanda managed, once his tremors had died down further.

"No." It was simple, and to the point, but Allen fully expected to be fought tooth and nail. No retort came, shocking him to the core, and he looked carefully at the dark haired man in his arms. He was clutching at Allen's sleeves as covertly as was possible to do so.

"You don't want me to go." He said softly, holding the battered exorcist slightly closer.

And Kanda _let_ him.

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Review, please! When I am feeling uninspired, I go back and look at reviews, keeps me going.

Karina: It will be explained, I promise. Thank you for the review!

Izaya91: Allen is a strong character, I enjoy writing him. I hate it when people write him as being really weepy, or weak. He's got some cojones, that is for sure.

Marufu-chan: Glad to have helped! Although I am sorry I stopped updating for a while. My brain was off in a pasture, frolicking with stupid crap. Hope you see this chapter!

Finalverse: I suppose you could call it that, although I intend to make it more of a slowly-killing shit that hurt you together fic. Lol, I hope you enjoy the things I have planned for the future.

EXO718: Hopefully I can continue making things interesting. Thank you for the review

Lotus Seed: Happy writing indeed! Although, given the subject matter, it's more angsty writing, but it's happy for me, because I am a bit of a sadist. Thank you for reviewing my story!

Olivia-yuymaxwell: Allen will do more than just lessen his pain in the future, but that is all a comin'. We will get there though, even if I have to smack myself to keep motivated.

Soaha: Given that the nerves in the normal human brain can't be rebuilt, and the same goes for a lot of organ function, I'm going to take my artistic license and sprint with it, lol. Either way, he's not going to be all better anytime soon, but that's a story for another chapter. Thank you for your review, I appreciate it!


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